The phenomenon of child escape from the house, unfortunately, is becoming very common in our time.Frightened Parents call up friends, and child hospital morgue raise ears relatives and police combing the favorite place of walks his child.The next morning, when the desperate and almost grizzled father and mother listlessly drink valerian, little child home states - "a girlfriend stayed on."Why do children run away from home?How to behave parents?And how to protect the family from such shocks?
content of the article:
- reasons why children run away from home
- your child or teenager left home
- How to behave parents to prevent children running away from home
Reasonswhy children run away from home - what could be the parents' fault?
Baby shoots are of two types:
- Motivated .This kind of shoots has a purely psychological reasons, are a consequence of the conflict or another specific and clear situation.Escape, in this case - a method of avoiding the problem (there was no other time).
- Unmotivated .This form of response, in which already any unpleasant situation is a protest and a desire to escape.With all the ensuing consequences.
It should be noted that the basis of the children's escape is always an internal conflict in the family, even if in fact it is not so much a conflict is.The lack of opportunity to talk, talk about problems, ask for advice - it is also an internal conflict within the family.
main causes of child runaways:
- mental illness (schizophrenia, mental retardation, psychosis, etc.).
- conflict with parents, lack of understanding in the family, lack of attention.
- conflicts at school.
- desire for freedom (rebellion against parents).
- stress after the tragedy or abuse.
- fear of punishment.
- stage of maturation and simple curiosity, the desire to learn something new.
- internal problems on the basis of the start of construction of relations with the opposite sex.
- Tiff between parents, divorce of parents - the flight as a way of protest.
- child himself wants to earn a living.
- Imposing a child of the parent point of view in terms of the choice of profession, friends and so forth. The denial of the child's own choice.
- dysfunctional family.That is, the alcoholism of parents, regular appearance of foreign inadequate people in the house, and so on assault.
- Children addiction or "recruitment" into one of the sects, which is becoming more and more.
your child or teenager left home - the rules of conduct for parents
The most important thing is to remember the parents of the children, adolescents (and they often run away from home) - it is their internal age differences and thirst for freedom.Any drastic measures in this vulnerable and rebellious age invariably lead to protest child or his gradual transformation into an indoor apathetic child, unable either to stand up for themselves or solve their problems.On this basis, the next time you want to yell at my child for the next "two" or disable walk after 6 pm, "because I said so."
What if a child ran away from home - guide for parents.
- First, scroll to the memory of all that told you your child in the last days, weeks.You may have missed something, or ignored.
- rang all the friends / friends of the child.It is advisable to talk to their parents that they let you know if your child suddenly appears with them.
- Check clothing / baby stuff: he went "what it is" or "with suitcases."At the same time, just in case, check your "secret" - whether all the money / value on the spot.
- child disappeared in the evening?Call the class teacher, interrogate all classmates child.Maybe someone knows about his plans for the evening or problems.
- child could not just run away?All things in place?And there were no problems?And no one knows - where is he?Call an ambulance - not taken away from the street if the child of a certain age, a certain dress.Immediately after that call the police with the same issues.
- No results?Run in your district police with a photo of the child and his documents.Write a statement and serve on the wanted list.Remember: the police have no right not to accept your application.Phrases like "a walk and come back" or "wait for 3 days, then come" ignore - write a statement.
- What's next?The next step - a visit to the juvenile inspectors.He also carry a photo of the child and full information - what's left, with whom communicated with whom swore where some tattoos and piercings public places.
- not stop the search for friends, classmates and acquaintances of the child - maybe someone already has information on his whereabouts.This Emphasize your feelings - "I am not angry, just worry and wait, just to live was."And no - "will appear - kill the parasites."
child found?This is important!Hug your child and tell him you love him. and remember what to do, you should not, after a happy family reunion:
- attack the child with questions.
- Shouting and use physical force.
- punish in any way - to deprive the "sweet" put under lock and key, sent to the grandmother in "Big Kobelyaki" away from "bad companies" and so forth.
- defiantly silent and ignore the child.
If a child is now able to talk heart to heart - listen to him.Calmly, without pretensions.Listen and try to hear.Do not interrupt and do not blame, even if the child's monologue is an unbroken stream of charges in your address. Your task:
- calm the child.
- arrange it yourself.
- Convince child that you accept him any that try to understand.
- find a compromise.
- admit their mistakes to the child.
And remember: if suddenly the street you come across someone else's child, who seemed lost you, blubbered, "street" - do not pass by!Try to talk with your child to find out - what happened to him.Perhaps he, too, is now looking for the parents.
How to behave parents to prevent children running away from home - psychological advice
If your family very well, and the child - Excellent, it does not mean that the child has no problems.The problems may be lurking where you would never look.The teacher who publicly humiliated your child.The girl who had left him to his friend, because your son is "not mature enough yet to a serious relationship."In the lovely and intelligent new friend to your child, which in fact turned out to be ... (a lot of options).And do not ever tell your child - that he had in mind.Because parents or once or family simply decided to share with each other "joys and sorrows". How to behave so children do not run away?
- Be a friend to your child.Advice at all times.Then you will always be to share experiences and challenges.Then you will always know - where and with whom your child.Then, even in the darkest corners of the soul of your child, you will have the key.
- Do not be a tyrant and a dictator.Your child - a person, grown-up people.The more restrictions, the more the child will seek the freedom of your "custody."
- Think yourself young.How cursed my mother and father for your flared jeans, incomprehensible music, strange company, cosmetics and so on. As you are angry, you are not allowed to express themselves the way you wish to.Again, based on the fact that you - a friend, not a tyrant.The child wanted a tattoo?Do not reach for the belt once (if wanted - still do) - Sit with the child, review the images together, learn their meaning (not to "chop" something for which then will have to pay), select the salon where not exactly ENTERED no contagion.If we are really against you, ask your child to wait - a year or two.And then, suddenly, he himself perehochetsya.
- not like his (her) friends?Do not hurry to drive them out of the house filthy broom, shouting, "they teach you bad."They are not your friends, and friends of the child.If you do not like it, it does not mean that they are all the polls, "drug addicts, freaks, Losers, the lost generation."But be careful.Draw conclusions in silence.To get into the child's relationship with someone else, you can only if these relationships can threaten the health of the child, or the psyche of his life.
- escaped child found begging?Yes, you terribly ashamed.And you want to "flog the little heathens" because he is so disgraced you.After all, your house - a full cup, and he ... But apparently, you have not seen that child needs the money, have not figured out - what they needed him, and did not help to find the honest, legitimate and decent way to earn money.
- and 5 years old, and 13 and even 18 child wants attention (understanding, trust, respect) to him.He does not want to hear the daily "homework, do your music quieter, why do you mess again, in whom you are so clumsy nihilists, we'll feed-ASIC, and you, the parasite, just think about yourself and others.".The child wants to hear - "how are you doing in school, if all you have is good, where would you like to go for the weekend, and come together to hit the road for a concert, baby, let's go to the Corn tea cakes," and so on. A child needs care, not total controlwhip from morning to evening, and the ratio of "would you rather have slipped away from us."Of course, the boundaries of a child should know and permissiveness does not bring anything good.But even put the baby in place or scold him for anything you can in such a way that the child had wings, and he wanted to do what you ask.Not "you really do not care for his mother!Recent pulling money!And I go to the holey tights! "And" Sonny, and let me help you find a job, so you will have accumulated to a new computer "(example).
- Nurture a child as soon as he starts to walk, responsibility and independence.Keep the child in all your endeavors and let it be what it is, and not what you want it to.
- never threatened, even joking that punish or expel a child from the home, if he'll do anything (smoke, drink, get a deuce, "bring in the lap" and so forth.).Knowing about a possible punishment, the child will never tell you the truth, and may even do more serious nonsense.
- child needs freedom and respect of its interests?Go out to meet him.It is time to begin to trust your child.And it's time to "let go" of his adult life.Let the learning to do things and be responsible for their own.Just do not forget to warn him about the consequences of a particular action (soft and friendly).
- Do not lock your grown up child at home - "after 6 pm to nowhere!".Yes, it's scary and disturbing, if it is already dark, and the child somewhere with someone walks.But "child" you have to rise, it may even stubble on his face and "protection products" in your pocket - it's time to talk a different language.It is going to friends for a long time?Take the coordinates of all the friends, including their home addresses / phone numbers, requires every 1.5-2 hours of your call-back, and he reported that he is doing well.
- Do not scold her daughter's makeup - and teach her to use it correctly.Teach her to be stylish and well-groomed without kilograms Tonalka and shadows on the face.
- Do not try to impose his friendship child - do it gently, gradually involving the child in a relationship of trust.Most take it with you on trips and on vacation, participate in his life, a genuine interest in its affairs.
- Be an example for your child.Do not make that a child may want to repeat.
Of course, in the absence of trust between you, to start from scratch would be extremely difficult.But it is quite feasible when your patience and desire.
See also: How to behave during quarrels between parents detmi- how to reconcile children