in any woman's life one day there comes a time when the thought of future children supersedes all others.But, unfortunately, not always beloved ready to ensure that the house rang a bell children's laughter.why is this happening?What are the reasons hidden behind the reluctance of men to become a father?
Responsibility - too heavy burden
So it brought him. Theoretically he has nothing against children, but that they then do?And how to go on vacation?And say goodbye to the peace and order in the house?This is a child - not a hamster.It will not work just to put it in a jar and a couple of times a day podsypaya feed sweetly smiling and scratching behind the ear - the child needs care!Approximately think those men who are not ready for the responsibility - to be a father.This may be a man aged, who taught from childhood to live for himself, and the young man, whose stroller with a baby - worst nightmare.
What to do?
- Start small .Bring home a dog or cat - let him learn to be responsible foryour pet.Perhaps feeling the impact of emotional heat, the husband will be more pliable for a serious conversation.
- Most go to visit friends, whose families have children. Call them to his guests.Looking at each other as the proud father of a family, a man (unless, of course, all is not lost) will automatically sense - "something in my life is not so ...".Also understand that child - it's not just diapers and sleepless nights, but also a lot of positives.
- If you have a nephew (-tsa) - sometimes take him to his weekend visit.And leave with her husband on the pretext of "oh, the bread ran out," "I'm in the bathroom for a minute," "go cook dinner."
Are there any feelings?
Sometimes it happens. man just not sure (or already has) that burns with love for you.Or he has another woman.One of the "symptoms" such a situation - when a man builds a far-reaching plans, but you have somehow never reach thousands of.Accordingly, and to "bind" a kid he was not planning to.
What to do?
- First - sort things out in a relationship.It makes no sense to raise such a serious issue, as the birth of the baby, if there is no confidence in the man and his feelings.
- If your union is still quite young, do not rush - perhaps , yet simply no time (wants to live for two).
- If your wedding was so long ago that you do not remember - who came in a bunch, it's time to reflect.Most likely, you are already late. A baby bear for the sake of marriage has no meaning.If the man you fell out of love, it will not keep the pregnancy.
Not yet ...
«Child?Who?When we have only just begun to live?When we are so young, and in front of so many mountains that we have not turned?Netushki!Not now.
In fact, such a reaction can occur at age 20, and even 40. There is less fear plays a role of responsibility and more - banal selfishness. man is not against the child, but not now.Because now is the time - falling asleep, embracing at dawn after a night of love, not a parent night watch.And the time - lie on the beach hand in hand, but not to run for a restless toddler, launder it from chocolate and shaking the sand out of his sandals.In general, the reason - the sea.
What to do?
- carefully with a cool head and assess the situation.If this is the case when an excuse "not yet time" is repeated from year to year - it is likely, time in the life to change something .Because it usually means that the child does not want a man, but the delay "Have patience, my dear, wait until for themselves" - this dust in the eyes, so you do not run away or fell into hysterics.
- If the request does not have to suffer any deep sense, is not a screen behind which the husband hides his dislike for children, and is a human desire of young men - come to the birth of an heir to really , with feeling, then relax and havepleasure.
- Do not forget to check with your spouse - how exactly he wants to wait , and that he wants to catch, before settling down.After finding all the details just wait until the deadline.To which you should best prepare husband morally.
«This is accumulated in the house (apartment, a car ...), and then give birth»
Or - "Nothing to produce poverty!".There are other options. Reason one: the desire to stand up .In order not to cut out a penny for diapers and strollers outbid friends, and give the child all at once, and in sufficient quantities.Laudable intention, if it is not, again, screen , to hide their reluctance to have children. And if you are still young, and time to "wait" there.Because when both have 30, and career strap Zadran to space heights - it is bad.Can this moment and not wait.
What to do?
- Pay attention to yourself. Maybe you have too high demands?Maybe just my husband is afraid that if you barely contain, together with the baby does not pull?
- not put before her husband global goals - I want a house, I want to garden with swimming pool, I want a new car and so on. Enjoy what you have.Each of your financial dream compels her husband to postpone the decision "children" on the issue later.
- Explain to her husband, that for crumbs importantly - parental love .A mega-expensive strollers with parking lights and air conditioning, sliders from leading fashion houses and diamond rattles you to anything.You're not going to grow selfish.
- Think - what you can to help her husband. If the main obstacle - the lack of housing, there is a reason to pay attention to the mortgage.Male operates in three shifts a day, 25 hours?Arrange to work, let him know that you're not going to hang a stone around his neck.
- build a career? Explain that self-improvement is no limit , and only one life and health at the birth of crumbs may not be enough for the moment when her husband finally reach stability.
From child already has a previous marriage
tree planted begotten son, the house built.The rest do not care.Even the fact that his son - from his first wife, a kid you dream about.Such, alas, it happens.The sense of accomplishment and a reluctance to continue wandering like zombies from lack of sleep, going to parent-teacher conferences and teach wits another child crosses all the dreams of a new wife.Again, take this "nightmare" a man does not want to.This does not mean that he does not love you, he just have enough.
What to do?
- prove to her husband that the child - this is happiness, rather than an endless nightmare.
- convey to you that the family - is three ( at least), rather than a pair of aging childless couple.And the point.
not a movie, or even a novel - a new reality in which, alas, there are many couples today.If an alliance holds the marriage contract with phrase "just in case, dear, because life - an unpredictable thing," then can hardly speak about serious feelings. And it is unlikely the child will need a man who has not even stepped on the carpet in the registry office, worried about money, you can sue him in the future.Equally rare situation when a man just need a residence, living space, and so on. But such an alliance usually ends before a woman even starts talking about the baby.
What to do?
- think twice before marrying a man waving in front of your nose marriage contract.
- To reconcile with the fact that you will live "yak cheese in butter," but together with her husband.
- bear and all. In the end, even the "forward-looking" men with marriage contracts are excellent fathers and loving husbands.
husband afraid to lose you
Not in the sense that you run away from him right out of the hospital, was not even allowed to look into the blue eyes of the newborn.Man afraid that you withdraw from him. For newborn pipsqueak takes all thoughts and time young mother for a very long time.And to compete for your attention with your own child's husband is not prepared.The second fear - to lose you as a woman, expensive perfume that smells, not milk.That looks like a fashion model, but not chronically tired chick with saggy belly and stretch marks on the buttocks.Men love to exaggerate their suffering, but thank heavens, not all.And this reason for the reluctance to have children - not a verdict.Husband easily be persuaded otherwise.
What to do?
- Explain communicate, convince , that pipsqueak, of course, requires considerable time, but it does not mean any more to anyone in the house there will be a place of love and attention.
- coerce a man to ensure that he wanted this baby more than you.
- never relax - look "like the cover» even during repairs in the apartment, and after a hard day's work.Develop a habit - always keep yourself in good shape.To my husband did not have even thought that after giving birth you put on an old robe and prohibitions, fat and unpainted, within the four walls with a toddler.
husband can not have children
Many men hide the true state of affairs, hiding behind excuses "too early", "I'm afraid to lose you," and so on. Not everyone is able to admit the woman he loves in his reproductive failure .As a rule, however it pops up when a woman is still pregnant (it is clear that it is not her husband), or when a woman, tired of hope begins to collect bags.
What to do?
- If you already know of this fact and enjoy your man - do not push it on sore spot. either accept , or (if the husband comes in contact on this subject) offer to adopt a baby .
- Achieve recognition.By f course, the most carefully and tactfully.If you put an ultimatum "child or divorce," the husband may choose to divorce, not wanting to be recognized and can not give you a child.
- Not all men with this problem know that successfully treated infertility in 90% of cases.So you can chance to share a fictitious story of his "friend" whose husband for many years suffered from infertility and was afraid to admit to his wife.And in the end everything ended well, because a friend took him to the doctors, the baby, and now they have a year right.And another friend of her husband, even offended, because how can you think so poorly of his wife, because infertility - not a reason to change her husband.
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