demonstrative hysterics about children, many mothers know firsthand.Of course, we are not talking about situations when the baby is ill, upset or just missed parental attention.We are talking about small manipulator and that parents do, "cornered".
See also: The vagaries of the children - how to fight them?
content of the article:
- Most nostrum children manipulators
- What to do when a child manipulates his parents?
- Errors parents in dealing with children with manipulators
Most nostrum children manipulators - with the help of which the child is manipulated by adults?
Not all children tend to organize the manipulation-hysteria.As a rule, only those children who used to be the center of attention and get whatever you want on a silver platter.
See also: How to raise an obedient child - 7 secrets of parenting.
expressed such hysteria always rapidly, and many parents forced to compromise or even to give up and give in.Especially when it happens in public.
So, in any form usually manifests "terrorism" small manipulators?
- Hyperactivity (not to be confused with hyperactivity caused by psychological reasons)
child becomes a "jet": fit into each bedside table, flying around the apartment, all the upsets, feet stomping, screaming, and so on. In general,, the more noise - the better.And even my mother cry - it is attention.And then you can make demands, because my mom would do anything to "a child does not cry" and calm.
- demonstrative distraction and lack of independence
child perfectly able to brush your teeth, comb his hair, tie shoelaces, to collect toys.But before his mother he plays helpless crumbs categorically unwilling to do anything or doing it deliberately slowly.It - one of the most "popular" manipulation, the cause of which - in the overprotective parents.
- soreness, injury
Also common childhood trick: mother in horror looking at the hot thermometer on the battery, immediately put to bed, the food is tasty jam and reading fairy tales, not leaving a single step from the "pribolevshy" toddler.Either zatselovyvat light scratch on the leg of the child and carries him 2km arms, because "I can not go, hurt, tired legs and so forth.".
the baby did not have to cheat you, give him more time.If the child feels that he is loved, that it is important that the need for such productions for him simply disappears.A dangerous situation may occur if such performances encouraged - once a child can really cause injury to him finally paid attention.
What to do?Immediately contact your doctor as soon as the child says about his illness or injury (do not frighten doctors, namely contact).Children doctors and injections do not like, so "cunning plan" immediately revealed.Either would be promptly detected and treated the disease.
- Tears, tantrums
very effective method, especially if you use it in public.There's certainly my mother just can not deny anything, because afraid to condemn bystanders.So safely fall to the ground, knocking the legs, shouting, swearing, "You do not love me!" And so on. If you are familiar with this situation, it means - your child has learned a rule that "mom can be controlled by hysterics."
- «It is not my fault!»
This cat, brother, neighbor, classmate, and so on. Shifting the blame on the other child tries to avoid punishment.In the future, this may deprive a child of his friends and of basic respect.Therefore, never yell or scold the child for pranks and misdemeanors.Let the kid will be sure that you can recognize it at all.Then the fear of punishment he will not.And once recognized, be sure to praise your child for his honesty and calmly explain why his prank - this is not good.
- aggression, irritability
And all this in order to come true desire for the next batch of soap bubbles, another doll, ice cream in the middle of winter and so on.
Ignore the behavior of his little arm, be steadfast, and imperturbable.If the "viewers" do not respond, the actor will have to leave the stage and do something more useful.
manipulation of the child - it's not just "vymatyvanie nerves' parents, it is also very serious negative attitude to the future child.Therefore, learn to communicate with your child so that he did not have to resort to manipulation.
And if it has already happened - to eradicate immediately to manipulation not become a habit and lifestyle .
See also: Types of relationship of parents with children - some of them in your family?
What to do when a child manipulates his parents - learn to paddle a little daunting!
- first child gave you a tantrum in a public place?
ignore the tantrum.Move aside ostentatiously distract on something or anything distract the child so that he forgot about his hysterics.Yielding to the manipulation once, you are doomed to deal with tantrums consistently.
- child threw a tantrum at home?
First of all, ask all rodstvennikov- "spectators" to leave the room, or leave themselves with the child.Internally gather, count to 10, severely, calmly and confidently explain to the child - why can not we do what it takes.How would a child or screaming or hysteria - not succumb to provocations, do not give up on its demands.As soon as the baby calms down, hug him, tell him how much I enjoy it, and explain - why is his behavior is unacceptable.Tantrum repeated?Repeat the whole cycle over again.Only when the child realizes that hysteria will not achieve anything, it will stop using them.
- «I want, I want, I want ...»
Known welcome children to put pressure on parents and make their own way in spite of everything.Stand my ground.Your "mantra" must be the same - "first lessons, then the computer" or "first remove the toy, then on a swing."
If the child continues to pressure you hysteria or other methods of manipulation, and you punished him banned computer for 3 days - keep these 3 days, no matter what.If you give up - believes that "war" is lost.The child needs to know that your word and the position - iron.
- lies and little lies "salvation»
Keep trusting relationship with the child.The child must trust you 100 percent, the child should not have to be afraid.Only then can the small and big lies of the child (in any order), you will bypass the party.
- behavior in spite of my mother
Defiantly unmade toys, ignoring your requests, and later return home at your request to be "8" and so forth. So the child expresses its protest and shows that he is in this "battle" prevailed.Not buyante, do not shout, do not swear - it is useless.Start by talking heart to heart.It did not help - includes restrictions on the phone, computer, walking and so on. Again, nothing?Change the method of communication with your child: Carried away by his new hobby, get it for recreational activities, spend with him the most time consuming.Look for an approach to the child, cutting carrots and sticks in favor of constructive dialogue and compromise.
- «Give me a computer!I will not do my homework!I will not wash!I want the computer and all! »
situation is probably familiar to many (in different variations, but for today's children, alas, it is quite often).What to do?Be trickier.Let the child willfully and night quietly take away and hide technique (Give deposited with the neighbors).Then tell your child that the computer broke down and had to take it in for repair.Repairs have been known to last very long.And during that time you can manage to switch the attention of the child to a real class.
- kid exhausts you and neighbors shouting, Sucitu legs, rolling on the floor and throws toys?
Take it to the handle, open the window, and with a toddler expel the street these dastardly "kaprizikov."The child will enjoy the game, and the hysteria will pass by itself.Distract from hysteria kid is much easier than a teenager.And at this age need to fix the child the truth - "whims and tantrums will not achieve anything."
- play on the feelings of the parents, or emotional blackmail
Usually it relates to adolescents.Teenager his whole appearance shows that if mom (dad) does not comply with its requirements, the teenager would be bad, sad, hurt, and even "life is over, no one understands me, I do not want anyone here."Ask yourself a question - will your child really happy if you make concessions?And whether it will enter into the habit of your child?And will not affect whether your assignment on the development of the child as a member of society?- Your task is to convey to the child that life - not just "want" but "necessary".What always have something coming in, something to look for a compromise with something tolerated.The sooner a child will understand, the easier it will be to adapt to an adult life.
- «You're ruining my life!" "I have no reason to live, when you do not understand me!" - This is a more serious blackmail, and it can not be ignored
If a child throws these words, because you are not allowedhim on the bench in the yard to friends and forced to do their homework - stand his ground.At first, the lessons, and then friends.If the situation is really serious, then let the teenager to do as he wishes.Give him freedom.And be there (mentally) in time to support him when he will "fall".Sometimes it is easier to give the child to make a mistake than to prove to him that he is wrong.
- child ostentatiously pulls
on contact does not go, do not want to speak, locked in a room and so forth. It is also one of the children-manipulation strategies to solve.First of all, determine the cause of the child's behavior.It is possible that the situation is more serious than you think.If there is no serious reason, and the child simply uses the method of "pressure", give him the opportunity to "ignore" you as much as it is enough patience.Demonstrate that no emotions, tricks and manipulations do not cancel the obligations of the Child - clean up, wash, make lessons come in time, and so forth.
Errors parents in dealing with children with manipulators - what not to do and say?
- not run situation. Teach your child to negotiate and compromise, not cherish his manipulative behavior.
- Do not blame yourself for the "rigidity» , when a child is crying in the street without getting another batch of machines.It is not cruel - it's part of the educational process.
- Do not swear, do not cry, and in any case do not use physical force - no slap cuffs and yelling, "Well, I schaz you!".Calmness and confidence - are your best tools of education in a given situation.
If hysteria is repeated, then persuasion do not work - get tough.The moment of truth is not always pleasant, and the kid has to understand and remember.
- not read a long lecture about the "good and bad» . firmly stated its position clearly specify the reason for refusal of the request of the child and keep the chosen path.
- not allow a situation where the child goes to sleep after an argument, and without making peace with you. Go to bed and go to school child should be in a position of absolute tranquility and awareness that his mother loves him, and all is well.
- Do not ask a child what to do do not. If you smoke - no teenager quit.If you do not particularly enjoy watching and cleaning, do not ask a child to clean toys.Teach your child by example.
- not limit the child in everyone and everything. Give him at least a little freedom of choice.For example, what he wants to put on a jacket, a side dish for lunch wants where he wants to go, and so forth.
- Do not allow your child to ignore your own needs. teach him to reckon with your needs and desires.And with the wishes of the child, too, try to be reckoned with.
And most importantly - do not ignore the child .After the incident is over, be sure to kiss and hug the child.Demarcate the behavior of a child, do not keep away from him!
Did you search for an approach to child-manipulator?Share your parent experiences in the comments below!