Unfortunately, in the heat of family quarrels parents do not think about that at the moment their child feels.At the same time, an oppressive emotional atmosphere when quarreling (and sometimes fight!), His two closest and beloved man, putting tremendous pressure on immature child's mind, putting a huge imprint on everything that the child is doing now, and how it will befuture.
content of the article:
- models the behavior of children in family conflicts
- consequences of conflict in the family for the child
- How to avoid negative impact on the child quarrels?
basic behaviors of children in family conflicts - the behavior of your child during conflicts in the family?
child's behavior during conflicts in the family, in many respects depends on its age, temperament, self-esteem, stress, activity and sociability .
Psychologists have identified basic behaviors of children in family conflicts :
- Child buffer.
This child unconsciously or consciously trying to smooth out the rough edges or reconcile parents.All experiences, he feels, will sooner or later translate into his illness, which are conventionally desirable because it distracts everyone from the continuing strife.Very often, this child develops a serious disease - asthma, eczema, or a whole series of colds.Neurological disorders also often plan - restless sleep, and difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, enuresis, stuttering, tics, or obsessive-compulsive movements.
If your child often sick or he has any health problems - analyze the situation in the family.Maybe you will find the root of all his ailments in frequent quarrels and, of course, will try to negate the sake of the health of a loved child.Read takzhzhe: What if a child is often sick?
- child stands on the side of the weaker parent.
Such a child is trying to protect the weaker parent family conflicts, standing on his side, and completely boycotting the other parent.
If your family is experiencing frequent quarrels and conflicts, and such behavior is typical for your child in the future this will cause persistent setbacks in his personal life and the formation of a wrong way of his adult role .
- child withdraws into himself.
This child is taking a neutral stance on family conflicts, trying not to take part in them.It can be very internal experience their inability to resolve these conflicts, but apparently did not show emotion, becoming distant from loved ones, distancing themselves more and more from the family, leaving in his loneliness, and not letting anyone into the inner world.This baby is very will be hard to adapt to any children's group, and then - in a society , part of his companions will depression, self-doubt, fear, low self-esteem .In adolescence, these children become withdrawn and unemotional and often find comfort in the fact that it is forbidden - smoking, drinking, drugs, nursing home, etc.
Some people believe that a child negatively affect only those family conflicts that have taken place with him.
But psychologists draw parents' attention to the fact that children are able to deep experience even hidden conflicts between parents who do not spill out into the outer quarrel or charge each other for a long time but are housed in a family estrangement and coldness in the relationship.
This "cold war" is capable gradually destroy the psyche of the child , giving rise to the same problems that we talked about above.
consequences of conflict in the family for the child's future adult life
- Children are often in conflict in the parental home, in their adult lives have intrapersonal conflict and low self-esteem , in any stressful situations often have depression and uncertaintya , they often develop neuroses .
- The baby of the family conflict formed specific character traits hinder their socialization in adult life: isolation, aggressiveness, indifference, cruelty to others, indifference.
- experiences during family conflicts in a child formed script of behavior in his own family .That is, such a child often takes parent family as a model, which is applicable in his own family, and the conflicts it will also be a frequent occurrence.
- The child has formed a negative picture of the world , and it significantly affects the quality of his own adult life in the future.Such a person will not trust anyone, it will be very hard to communicate, full of pessimism and cynicism.
- Children from families experiencing frequent conflicts can become very angry, aggressive, violent into adulthood.These children do not understand the pain of others, and many of them have a craving to hurt others.A child can simply reach for the illegal aspects of life, to break the law, commit illegal violent acts, often - unmotivated in relation to other people.
Family conflicts and children: how to avoid the negative impact on the child quarrels?
To avoid the negative consequences of family conflict child , you have to resort to the advice given by qualified psychologists:
- Try not to fight at all. This advice assumes the revision of the parents of his behavior, find out the most common causes of quarrels and getting rid of it.The Council is increasingly used by parents who want to work on themselves and their relationships, and do not want their child to receive a negative family.Ask such a purpose, parents can save the child from all the above problems and experiences, and at the same time - to strengthen the family and their relationship with each other.
- If the quarrel is inevitable, parents should try to sort things out without the presence of a child .Of course, thus it is necessary to use the rules of the conflict, so as not to aggravate it, but rather to exhaust all.
- In no case do not attack each other with criticism and accusations.In such a case, the conflict will continue to grow like a snowball.See also: How to quarrel?
- Threats to each other - it is a taboo to even conflict .Remember that children - maximalists, and all your words, they take for granted, for the truth, and their imagination is able to paint your threats to monstrous proportions, causing stress to the little man.Threaten each other at the child or threaten the child - then break his strong mentality.
- If family conflict is a form of dispute, try not to develop it .The dispute clearly relies to argue, to name the problem, and be sure to speak frankly - to listen to the other side.If parents will master the art of conducting disputes, family conflicts will not, and, of course, the consequences for the child - too.
- If a child suddenly witnessed a conflict between the parents, it is very important - talk to him, ask him what he feels and feels.
- child needs to say that his mom and dad love , and the quarrel occurred in any case not ruin the family, and will not change parental love for a child.
- Sucker Punch - to criticize the other parent to the child , negative talk about him, set the child against him.Such parental behavior when the child is an instrument and a participant in the quarrel, tough breaks the child's mind and gives little man weighing systems and experiences that are simply unaffordable for the children's souls.
Being a parent - a great art that teach throughout life.Parents must find a way to constructive solution of all arising disputes between them, and in any case does not involve them baby .
If you love your child, then, first of all, will care for his peace of mind and well-being , and its ambitions to tame, not allowing them to develop into a confrontation.