part of the future daughter-in, following the advice of her friends, preparing for a long war with her mother in law.Despite the fact that the mother could be your man gold man, you set yourself on the conflict.Do not listen to anyone.In-law, you can have a great relationship.The main thing - to know when to gently learn to say "no", as well as to know some of the methods and techniques of communication.
- unjustified refusal
If you are tired of tips and moralistic in-law, try to talk to her about it.To put it mildly, is not ready to implement its requirements and tasks.Be sure to tell the reason why: "My dear svekrovushka, I appreciate your advice, but I can not make something because ...".Important in this sposobe- summary of reasons.
In that case, if your mother in law is very stubborn person can apply the method for three reasons.Prepare in advance your speech, analyze and come up with three main reasons.Usually in-law gets up at your place and understand your refusal.
- Straight refusal
daughter in law, which has a more aggressive in-law, have to learn to defend their opinion.In the case where the second mother begins to climb in the lives of the young, should be clearly put the border and make it clear that the advice-in-law will not work in your area.
Straight failure may be mild.For example, see this: "Sorry, Mom, I can not do as you ask," "Svekrovushka, I have no free time now to do ...".
course-law must quickly realize that her advice you to anything, as you can very well cope with the chores around the house and solve all the problems of family life.
In that case, if in-law goes to the offensive again and again, trying to teach a daughter, you should use a different technique.It's called "broken record technique".You can repeat the above phrase to all requests and speech-in-law.
should listen to her opinion and then, without asking questions, repeating and repeating "no."This technique should be used when communicating with the drive and stubborn people.
- Deferred refusal
essence of this method - to agree with the Council, to analyze it, and then decide whether or not to use it.You do not need to invent any reasons for non-compliance requests should explicitly say that you need to consider the proposal.
example, say this: "I need time to think.Let's talk it over later proposal, "" Before you decide, I must consult with my husband, "" I want to think about new information for me. "
explaining in-law, so the daughter wins extra time not only to think about the proposals and to help close people-advisers.
- refusal to compromise
Learn to respond in-law so that she understood you the first time.If you are not ready to fulfill its requirements and requests, try to find a compromise solution for you.
Example: in-law lives with your family together in the same territory, asks you a ride it every day to work.In order not to be late, do not swear every morning, "Go" second mom to meet, say, "I can give you a lift, but if you at 7.30 in the morning will be ready."
Another example: in-law does not live with you, but asks his son to call her every day.Talk to her and say, "Svekrovushka, we'd love for you out of town on a daily basis, but we do not have such an opportunity.We can visit you on Saturday and Sunday. "
Learn to find compromises, without family life - no way!
- or latent failures "do, but not»
You can agree with the board-in-law, but to apply it in the action will not.Using the technique of hidden "no", you will be able to avoid a conflict with his second mother, or a husband who can be with her would agree.
Listen to it carefully, you see, but do differently.Example: you are my husband and I stopped into a new apartment and decided that they themselves will do the repair.In-law offers to make the yellow walls in the kitchen.Go to meet her, you see, and then decide with her husband, the color of the wallpaper in the kitchen will be.
When she asks, why did you decide to do not how she wanted to, you could simply say that changed their minds.
- latent failures or "promise and not do»
Do not forget, if you do not want to ruin a good relationship with her mother in law - agree with everything she says and advises you.You can always analyze the situation, to understand the issues and decide whether or not to advice a second mother.
can answer this way: "Well, I'll do," "Of course, buy ',' One of these days certainly do", "Soon I'll go," etc.It is important - to say and agree to, and do not necessarily.
- Disclaimer ironically
All tips can be converted in-law joke.For example, if the request to have a dog or a cat in the house, say, that have forged just 10 kittens.Mother in law can continue to persuade you, then let that interfere with squid cute kittens who already live in the bathroom.So you can with any request or advice to translate a joke.
Treat rules and requirements in-law with a smile and happiness, then you definitely never have a conflict!
- Disclaimer through compassion
any woman can be forced to empathize.Technique "appealing for compassion" needed the daughters-who want to attract attention and show-in-law that they have no free time to perform those or other rules.
Treat in-law as a friend, tell her about their problems, share those things that you decide every day, explain that just physically do not have time to perform what she asks.
As a rule, second mom will understand you and will no longer pester you with their requests.
- Reception "open door" or technique agreement
When communicating in-law, should be a clear distinction between criticism and emotions.You can agree with the criticism, facts, saying at the same time, they agree and are doing something really wrong.
Emotional same side leave behind.Your answer should be brief and clear.Do not make excuses and explain in-law, why are you doing it this way and not in another.
During the conversation, do not be offended or angry, should not even translate the criticism seriously.It is better to agree with every comment in-law.Technique is so called because in-law wants to break down the door to you, and you uncover it for yourself.
- Containment or polite refusal
order not to swear-in-law, can pursue a policy of containment.Do not refer to the comments, advice, requests too sharply.Learn how to react - do not be offended, thanks explains.
In some situations, it must be said: "I thank you for the advice, I will take note of them, maybe even some use it.In any case, the decision to take not only to me but also to her husband, "or" I can not solve your problem alone, my husband and I try to do it soon, "or" I do not know what to do in this situation.Thank you for tips and advice, I listen to them. "