what underlies the relationship of two?"Three Pillars" happy family life - a mutual feelings, mutual understanding and, of course, trust.Moreover, the last "whale" - the most solid and important.Trust is easy to lose, but to win, alas, it is extremely difficult.What if a family trust is lost?How to recover it?
content of the article:
- most common causes of loss of confidence in the family
- basic errors when trying to regain the trust relationship in the family
- 10 the surest ways to regain the trust of the family
most common causesloss of confidence in the family
relationship without trust - it is always a torture for both.And lose his dear half (because so many experienced and passed along!) Do not want to, and ... no more strength to pretend that all is well.Escape - it is always easier, but it's still worth at least try to regain the trust in the relationship.The main thing - to identify the causes of "disease" and the right to appoint a "treatment". main causes of loss of confidence:
- Treason. She mows the trust at the root - and at once, as a rule, irrevocably.Even if both pretended that nothing had happened, then sooner or later this painful memory box is still open.Not to mention that one half is constantly doubting the second - and whether at work, and maybe again somewhere with someone, or may not work with him (her) call in the evenings?
- Jealousy. green monster, the destroyer of any relationship.And the main indicator that the family is time to change something.Jealousy - a wide measure of confidence that the partner is not.Jealousy as a worm, gnaws inside feeling to the base, if time does not stop and think - and whether it makes sense to be jealous?And who gets better from this?
- lie. Large, small, in the understatement or hidden facts, small and frequent or rare and monstrous.Lying undermines confidence at the second attempt (the first is usually forgiven and swallow).
- mismatch of words and actions. Even the hot words of love cease to be relevant if in deed - the indifference and neglect of a partner.If such behavior is not a temporary crisis period with certain causes, and true indifference, sooner or later, trust, and behind him, and relationships come to an end.
- lack of confidence even in candy buketny period. That is, the illusion of confidence at an early stage, but in reality - a fateful meeting of two chronic "Gulen" or have not degenerated into a real feeling of love.
- unjustified expectations. when he promised the moon and "whole life on his hands", but in fact live as neighbors in the dorm.
confidence in the return is very difficult.But if you really want, and patience, it is possible to give a second life to the relationship.
See also: Should I confess to treason - the pros and cons
basic errors when trying to regain the trust relationship in the family - do not make them!
attempts to regain the trust of their partner each - according to the situation and the strength of feeling (if it remains). The main thing here - to carefully analyze what really happened:
- What could undermine the credibility of a partner to you?
- nourish you continue to him the same feeling?
- Are you afraid of losing your soul mate, or be able to do without it?
- Are you ready to win it again?
- What has changed in you since the moment when the partner you trust entirely?
- How exactly do you understand the word "trust"?
If you realize that you do without your partner will not be able, and willing to start from scratch and avoid the most common mistakes:
- not blamed for the loss of confidence in your partner.Confidence - it involves two.And wine, respectively, falls equally on both.
- Any accusations - a road to nowhere.Restore confidence throwing accusations impossible.Begin to create, rather than continue a path of destruction of the family.
- Do not try to buy the trust of a partner.No gifts and travel perekroesh not feeling that your family formed a "black hole" (the relationship of the calculation, we, in this case, do not say).
- not be intrusive in their desire to "make amends".If you change your partner, and now circling around the bee, wearing a coffee in bed and bake pie every night, ingratiating looking into the eyes "I have already forgiven or even coffee and pie?", It is unlikely you would reciprocate.In the best case, a partner with the king's views will graciously accept your "gifts".But after still held the culmination of a showdown.The sincerity of your care will not believe after a long time you ran away, slamming the door, gritted his teeth and defiantly went to sleep to my mother.Insincerity at this moment is particularly acute.
- Enough words!To curse and beat their butt to the chest, "Yes I do without you ..." meaningless.If you do not trust, you will not believe.
- not to humiliate.Crawl on their knees and beg for forgiveness, too, does not make sense.You will fall even more in the eyes of the partner.
- Do not try to ask your friends and relatives "heart to heart talk" with your partner.Self-love partner did not survive.Everything that happens in the family, should remain in the family.
- categorically can not be used for these purposes child.Manipulate a partner by the "think of the children!" Or incite children to have influenced the pope - is the worst option.
10 the surest ways to regain the trust of the family - how to restore the relationship?
Where to start?What to do?What to take steps that your partner again looked at you with loving eyes? After analyzing the situation, self-pity and consideration of all possible errors, remember - what experts say in such a situation:
- admit they were wrong (guilt), if you are wrong.It makes no sense to argue that you were honest, if you're really lying.This will only aggravate the conflict.
- talk with his half of the incident.Sincerely, frankly.Find a time when your partner will be able to listen to you and hear.
- reason confidence - his jealousy?Eliminate from your life anything that might provoke new suspicions of your partner - the coordinates of the meeting, even the thought of the object to which you are jealous.Jealousy is groundless?Communicated to the partner that it has no grounds.And to change their lives.You may find yourself giving excuses to your partner jealous of you - too bright makeup, too short skirts, working late into the night, strange calls home, password-protected computer, and so on. If you have nothing to hide - be open throughout.If you trust the partner expensive, no need to dress for a job as the competition "Miss World."Of course, there are some jealous, for which occasion - even a smile seller sent to you in passing in the store.But this is "another story" and another topic.
- Do not try to return everything as it was, immediately after the conflict.Give the partner time to recover, to think and analyze the situation.
- Cause loss of confidence - established fact of your infidelity?Whatever you do, everything will depend on whether it will be enough strength to forgive you.Not to humiliate, not beg, do not tell the details and arrange hysterics in the spirit of "you paid little attention to me" or "I was drunk, I'm sorry, duruuu."Just admit your guilt, quietly let it happen on your big stupidity, and explain to your partner that you do not want to lose, but will accept any decision.If he decided to get away from you, you still did not hold.Therefore, any tricks, pleas and humiliation are not in your favor.
- not fawning and not imposing, not remembering causes of the conflict, without pictures, genuinely start living from scratch, as if you've just met today.Partner or will be forced to restructure, to dot the "i" and support you, or (if it is already internally, to decide that you do not trust can) leave.
- embarking on the difficult path of restoring confidence, retract his relatives in the process.They will be superfluous.Everything has to decide between you.
- If the partner is able to talk to you, and even comes forward, offer a joint trip.You will have the opportunity to calmly discuss all your problems, and will have a chance to "open a second wind" for your senses.
- Show your partner that you are willing to fight for your love - you are ready to make compromises, concessions, ready to solve problems without hysterics "un-human", that you are willing to listen and hear their partner.
- partner forgive you?Never go back to the past.Build a future in absolute openness, mutual support and understanding.
And remember, the second chance nobody will give you.