Oh, those parents!Please make us go to kindergarten, and wash hands before eating, clean toys and tie shoelaces and then get an education, to behave culturally, not to deal with naughty boys and wear hats in cold weather.Years go by, we are born our kids, and we all ... continue to rebel against parental "yoke» .What is the complexity of the relationship between us, the adults, and have elderly parents?And how can we understand each other?
content of the article:
- main problems in relations
- Rules of communication with elderly parents
main problems of older parents and adult children - solutions.
growing children - is a constant internal conflict: the love of parents and irritation, the desire to spend more time with them, and the lack of time, resentment and misunderstanding inevitable guilt.Problems between us and a lot of parents, and we with them over - the serious conflict of generations. main problems of older "fathers" and grown-up children:
- have elderly parents because of their age, "plant" p azdrazhitelnost, moodiness, touchiness and categorical in his judgments. Children also have neither patience , nor the strength to respond to these changes properly.
- anxiety of elderly parents sometimes rises above the maximum mark.And few people think that undue anxiety associated with diseases of this age.
- Most elderly parents feel lonely and abandoned.Children - the only support and hope.Not to mention that sometimes children are almost the only link with the outside world.Communicating with children and grandchildren - the main joy for elderly parents.But own problems seem to us a sufficient excuse to "forget" to call or "failing" to come to them.
- The usual care for their children often turn into excessive control .In turn, the grown-up children do not want in the school days, to account for every action.Control annoying and irritation over time results in a conflict.
- World elderly person often shrinking to the size of the apartment: work remains abroad retirement age from important decisions the elderly person has nothing depends on, and participation in public life in the past, too.4 walls closing in with their thoughts and concerns, an elderly person is left alone with their fears. Observation turn into mistrust and suspicion. trust in people is dissolved in a variety of phobias and emotions splash indignation and reproaches on the only people who can listen to - for children.
- Memory Problems. Well, if the old man just forget about your birthday.Worse, when they forget to close the doors, faucets, gas valves, or even the way home.And, unfortunately, not all children have a desire to understand the age-related problems and "insure" their parents.
- vulnerable psyche. Because of age-related changes of the brain, older people are very sensitive to criticism and carelessly thrown word.Any twit can cause long resentment, and even tears.Children, swearing to "moodiness" Parents do not see the need to hide their displeasure - resent in response to quarrel or the traditional scheme "you are unbearable!" And "Well again, I did not it ?!".
- With parents must live separately. Everyone knows that coexist under one roof two very different families - hard.But "love from afar", many children perceive as the need to keep communication to a minimum.Although the separation did not mean non-participation in the life of the parents.Even at a distance, you can "stay close" with parents, supporting them and taking their lives active part.
- For mom and dad their child, even 50 years is a child. Because parental instinct is no "shelf life."But grown-up children no longer needed "intrusive advising" old men, their criticism and the educational process - the "why again without a hat?", "Why do you want to go there," "you're wrong to wash the fridge" and so forth. Grown-up child irritable, protests and attempts to preventThis "interference" with privacy.
- Health every year becomes more and more tenuous. once young, and now trapped in the bodies of elders, parents find themselves in a situation where it is difficult to do anything without help when no one "file a glass of water" when scared that no one would be near the time of a heart attack.Young children are busy all understand it, but still do not feel their responsibility for elderly relatives - "Mom again half an hour on the phone told me about their sores!Just once would have called to ask - how are you personally me. "Unfortunately, the realization comes to most of the children too late.
- grandmother and grandson. growing children believe that the grandmother intended to babysit their grandchildren.No matter - how they feel, whether they want to babysit, do you have elderly parents have other plans.Consumer attitude very often results in conflict.However, the reverse situation - not a rarity: grandmother grandchildren come to visit almost every day, blaming "Mothers negligent" in the wrong educational approach and "breaking," lined up all of the "Mothers' educational schemes.
- Any newfangled trends perceived conservative elderly parents with hostility. Their suit, striped wallpaper, old favorite chair, retro music, the usual approach to business and whisk instead of a food processor.To convince the parents - to replace the furniture, move, throw "this terrible scene," or buy a dishwasher - is virtually impossible.It is also perceived a hostile reception and modern lifestyle grown up children, conscienceless youth, silly songs and style of dress.
- Increasingly skips talking thoughts of death. Children irritated refuse to understand that in old age a conversation about death - not a horror story to frighten children, and do not "play" on their feelings in order to "negotiate" more attention to itself (although it happens), and natural phenomenon.Treat the death of a person begins the quieter the higher age limit.And the desire - to foresee the problem of children associated with the death of their parents - naturally.
- mood swings elderly person - is not just «moodiness" and very serious changes in hormonal status and body as a whole. Do not rush to get angry at the parents - their mood and behavior is not always dependent on them.Ever got up in their place, you yourself understand this.
Rules of communication with elderly parents - assistance, attention, family traditions and rituals cute.
maintain good relations with elderly parents easy - just understand that this is the closest you people on earth.A reduce "the degree of tension" by using the simple rules:
- Think about the little family traditions - for example, a weekly session of Skype communication with parents (if you share hundreds of kilometers), lunch in the familycircle every Sunday, a weekly meeting with the whole family on a picnic, or "gatherings" in the cafe every second Saturday.
- We get annoyed when once again the parents are trying to teach us life.But it is not the Council, which give us the parents, and attention.They want to feel needed, and they are afraid to lose their importance. It is not difficult to thank my mother for advice and say that her advice was very helpful. Even if you arrive later on his own.
- allow parents to care. No sense to constantly prove the independence and "maturity".Let mom and dad blamed for the lack of caps in cold, packaged cakes "with you if you get hungry," and criticized for being too frivolous appearance - it is their "job".Be forgiving - you will always be a child for its parents.
- Do not attempt to re-educate their parents. They love us for who we are.He answered them the same - they deserve it.
- Be careful parents .Do not forget to call them to come and visit.Bringing grandchildren and require their children so that they, too, called his grandparents.For health, and be always ready to help.No matter - whether to bring a drug to help with washing windows or repairing a leaky roof.
- Think lesson for parents. example, buy them, and learn to use a laptop.On the Internet, they will find a lot of useful and interesting for yourself.In addition, modern technological innovations are forced to work the brain, and can even be enjoyable retirement "bonus" to find a job on the Internet (freelance), with the help of the children, of course.And most importantly - you'll always be in touch.If Dad likes to work with wood, help him equip a workshop and get the necessary materials.A mom can attach to one of the types of hand-made art-- the good, a lot of them today.
- not operate their parents - «you - my grandmother, so your task - to sit with their grandchildren."Maybe your parents dream to travel by car on the Russian hills and photograph the sights.Or just feel bad, but you can not deny.Your parents gave you a lifetime - they have earned the right to rest.If the situation is reversed, do not deny parents in meetings with the grandchildren.No "spoil" your children (they have not spoiled), and a little bit "to spoil the kids" - it's nobody hurt.Remember yourself, grandparents - always the closest people after their parents.Which always understand fed / watered and never betray.Babies crucial their affection and love.
- Often elderly parents flatly refuse to accept financial help from the children themselves, and even helping to measure the forces and capabilities. not "sit" on the neck and the parents do not consider this behavior is natural. Help parents always needed.Dating back to the parents as consumers, think about what your children are watching you.And imagine that after a while the parents will be on the spot you.
- old people feel lonely.Manages to find the time and patience to listen to their concerns, tips, stories about the days spent in the garden, and even criticism.Many adult children losing their parents, then to the end of life feel guilty for his anger - "stretches a hand to the tube, I want to hear the voice, and no one left to call."Choose words, communicating with parents. Do not upset their rudeness or accidentally tossed "lyapom" - elderly parents vulnerable and defenseless.
- Provide parents the maximum comfort in the house. But do not try to put them "in a cage" - "I have them to provide the products I buy, the house for all of them do, send in the summer resort, and they are always dissatisfied with something."This is all, of course, great.But do any work unencumbered people even at a young age are beginning to go crazy from boredom.Therefore, relieving parents of hard work, they leave their pleasant chores.Let them feel their usefulness and necessity.Let check the lessons from the grandchildren, if they want, and if you want to cook dinner.Let the clean up in your room - it's not a disaster if your blouse will be on another shelf and smoothly folded."Mom, how best to cook the meat?" "Dad, we're conceived bath build - help with the project?" "Mom, thank you tidied up and I really shook," "Mom, let you buy new shoes?"and so forth.
- not answer criticism of the criticism or insult for insult. a road to nowhere.Mom swears?Go to her, hug, kiss, tell sweet words - quarrel dissolved in the air.Dad unhappy?Smile, hug my father, tell him that without him you would not have achieved anything in this life.You can not continue to be angry when you stream falls sincere love of your child.
- little more about comfort and comfort.For older people, "trapped" in the apartment (house) is extremely important situation around them.It's not even clean and working plumbing, and technology.And comfort.Surround these parents comfort.In view of their interests, of course. Let the interior is nice, let parents surround the beautiful things, let the furniture will be easy, even if it is a rocking chair that you can not stand - if only it was good.
- Be patient for any age-related changes and manifestations. This is the law of nature, it has not been canceled.Understanding the roots of emotional elderly parents, you will be able to bypass the least painful all the sharp corners in the relationship.
- not get carried away surrounded by his parents' care. Be careful - perhaps too obtrusive help even more effort on their feeling of helplessness.Parents do not want to grow old.And here you are - with a warm blanket in the new cell, and a trip to a sanatorium for sick old people.Interest - what they lack, and already by this repulsive.
And remember, your old happy old age - in your hands.
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