Not every woman is able to wisely refers to the past of his partner - that is, to accept his past as the last stage of life, and nothing more.Often, just the opposite is happening - the past loved one (especially the love of his past) causes jealousy, suspicion and, eventually, the collapse of a love boat.
See also: How and why men are jealous of us?
How to learn to live in the present and deal with the "green" sense?
content of the article:
- zeal to the former partner passion
- zeal to all women in the past partner
- zeal to the children of the partner
- zeal to things from the past life
- zeal to the past way of life partner
zeal to the former partner passion
Jealousy is a feeling overwhelming and completely blocking the ability to think soberly , covering his head, as soon as information about the "former" accidentally pops up in a conversation with a partner.
even thrown casual phrase - "In this cafe did not want us there all the time with Katka dinner" may be the beginning
accept the fact that another woman once occupied the same space in his life , as now you are - almost impossible.
How to cope with such zeal?
- past your partner does not have to you nothing .
- Beginning "investigation", you breaks someone else's personal zone and fuels the fire of conflict between you, which then will not be able to repay.
- If you know about your heightened sense of jealousy (property), ignore all the details of the last his partner."Excavation" in foreign relations will not add you confidence in the relationship.
- stop fighting "chimeras» .Live in the present.
- to admit his jealousy and learn to control it.
- If your partner has stopped the choice on you, then, he is happy with you , and the former love - just one of turning the page of his life.
- Jealousy - a signal that you do not trust your partner .If you believe in it, then there is no need to be afraid of shadows of the past (and the present, too).And if you do not trust, it makes sense to think - is it strong is your relationship?See also: How do I know that the relationship ended?
zeal to all women in the past partner
For some women even thought that hand partner concerned someone else , unbearable.And, like, a man - not the 'nerd' 18 years old, and women's attention to it - it is quite normal, a woman removes from himself the fact that he could be like someone else.
How to deal with the overwhelming feeling?
- If your partner - held an adult attractive man, realize that in his life prior to your appearance were women .It would be strange if your partner sat all his life in a high tower and waited for your arrival.He - a man and his bachelor life means meeting, relationship, search partner.
- Random (or even intentional) mention of the former women - no reason to explode and look for hidden meaning in the words and deeds.Jealousy always brings discord in relationships, and pathological jealousy - and even more so.
- feared that the partner relationship with the past is too strong?Analyze the situation .Do you have real reason to be jealous?If, apart from your fantasies have nothing - is to calm down and switch on strengthening your relationship (and not destruction).If the real "bells" of the past take you out of balance - it's time to talk with your loved ones.Otherwise, an avalanche of mistrust and unresolved issues from the past once bury your relationship.
- Remember: you have no right to blame the partner of his old novels .And you probably also have a meeting and the relationship to him.
- your relationship - is life from scratch , which automatically leave the past where it belongs.A true love knows no jealousy.
zeal to the children of the partner
Pretty common form of jealousy, which generally has two "persons» .
- first: zeal for the children themselves .More precisely, the anger from what the children "fall to" the attention that should belong to you aimlessly.
- second: jealousy of the mother of his children .Each of his trip to the ex-wife with the aim to see the children perceived with hostility - "What if he still loves her?" "And if she tries to get it back?" "Perhaps the children - it's just an excuse to see her?".
How to deal with such a two-headed "snake"?
- First, understand that husband and wife forever linked honey a children .Even though they have long since parted ways, they are both responsible for the fate of their children and participate in their lives on equal rights (and responsibilities).
- love for their children and love for a woman - a different nature concepts .Men's desire to communicate with their children, despite the divorce from their mother, talks about his integrity, reliability and love of children.It would be an occasion to reflect and wary if everything happened the other way around.Hardly a man who strikes children from his life after a divorce, is worthy of respect.Divorced wives - not with the kids!
- useless to fight for the attention of the man with his children. And the more you can not forbid him to meet them, or try to influence his attitude toward them.Children - is a part of man.Therefore, this competition - originally meaningless.
zeal to things (gifts) from a past life
Gifts from the "former", which are stored in a man - frequent reason for conflict in a new relationship.Tie, sweater, diary, cards, and especially photos - any thing from his past cause anger and jealousy.The basic idea - "once stores, so expensive."
What to do with jealousy of the past in this case?
- If the thing he "road" - is a completely does not mean that the partner still has feelings to the former lover.This may be a tribute to those relationships, just unwillingness to get rid of the gifts and so forth.
- your relationship - a new stage of his life .Relations with the former - in the past.And no gifts (stored, carried and so forth.) Can not change the fact that you are together.But your jealousy can.
- Never not ask the partner to get rid of gifts and do not try to do it yourself.Quarrel (and sometimes break) you will be provided.
- His stuff (no matter - to a stage of life) - is his personal space .Your life together does not give you the right to organize an audit of his things.
zeal to the past way of life partner
When a loved one softly tells about how great it used to be to go all over the world, nothing worrying, bogged down in the middle of the week on a fishing trip (hiking in the mountains) withfriends, "light" in the clubs and in general from anyone not depend on the nervous system of the woman fails.On the one hand - jealousy to a rich and happy past partner , on the other - the feeling of worthlessness - «He was happier than me."
Fantasia does the dirty deed: to finish mentally picture him on all sides a pleasant past without you, and not such a successful future with you triggers an inadequate assessment of the relationship .
How do I change the situation?
- To begin to understand what each person has in his youth during absolute freedom and the possibility to take everything from life.Naturally, this step leaves a lot of impressions and memories that sometimes you want to get from the mezzanine memory and smile his past recklessness.But this does not mean that a person living in the past or is hiding it from the dismal present.
- If there are thoughts - "With me it is quite different in the past, he was happy," or "If he comes back to those memories, then they had better than me," then time to think - if all is well in "Danish kingdom."Most likely, his memories - a reason to smile.But if they put you in a reproach, or have other negative connotation - it's time to talk.Or, to look at ourselves from the outside.Perhaps you too put pressure on his partner, limiting it in all aspects of life, or brought into a state of despondency his actions (or inaction).Look closely: perhaps your partner something is missing in your relationship?And it automatically compares your life together with their past.
- not sculpt mountains out of molehills .One of the female traits - from nothing and on level ground to create salad, a new hairstyle and a tragedy.As a rule, in intimate conversation with a loved it turns out that she again "exaggerated", and he is more than happy in a relationship, and it suits all.
Jealousy - a slow poison for relationships .All that is good in them, dying of suspicion unnecessary questions and quarrels.And the jealousy of the past - it is also an absurd accusation in their half of something that you did not have even a relationship.
only way to harmony in the relationship - elimination of jealousy at the very bud .Take past partner for what it is, live the present and build relationships of trust with each other.