Each of us probably know the answer to a rhetorical question, why do you need to forgive.Of course, to get rid of insults and throwing off the load of negativity, become happier, return success.The notion that a forgiving person is really a wimp, is fundamentally incorrect, only a strong and self-sufficient person is subject to the art of forgiveness.
See also: Words and deeds that do not forgive even a loved one.
So how to be strong for each of us, how to learn to forgive and let go of all the insults?
What is forgiveness and why do you need to forgive?
Many people think that is simple - it is to forget to let go of life. But this - the wrong misconception interfering understand the most important thing in this issue - why do you need to forgive wrongs done to another person.
What is forgiveness?
philosophy explains that forgiveness - it complete refusal to avenge her abuser .Forgiveness has a broader meaning, it includes an understanding of the person who caused offense.
Do I have to take revenge on her abuser?
Most people in a situation where they have experienced the pain of resentment, there is a large or a small desire to avenge this person. But getting any easier by the fact that you took revenge?
Maybe revenge after his first offense, and a feeling of satisfaction, but then there is a different feeling - disgust, resentment has for himself. take revenge automatically becomes the same level with their abuser and dirty in the same mud.
Why should I forgive?
Psychologists say that need to learn to forgive any offender - it does not matter, you'll continue to meet with him in life or not.
Surprising observations psychologists say that in fact, forgiveness of the offender is not necessary - whether it is close to you, or someone else entirely - namely, you.Just people do not have a lot of stress and feelings, he is able to let go of resentment, understanding of who caused them.
If you do not forgive people still continue to experience their grievances , which only grows more and more new experiences, becoming a major cause of failure in life.Resentment can grow into hatred, which obscures his eyes and prevents be just happy .
How to learn to forgive offenses and how to forgive the abuser?
Resentment - is feeling unproductive, from which you want to learn how to get rid .I must say that the ability to forgive - is an art that requires tremendous work on myself, costs a large amount of mental resources .
Psychologists say that to develop the ability to forgive is necessary to work an average of 50 situations of resentment in his life.
There are certain stages of development of this science - the ability to forgive:
- awareness of resentment
man experiencing offense must to admit that it exists, that he is ready to work with it and at the endall eliminated.Many people who want to get rid of the resentment people, but do not know how to do it, at this stage, just do not want to admit themselves that are hurt, pounding her deep in the subconscious mind, where she begins to slowly destroy the positive.
- To work to eradicate the grievances need to prepare
Council psychologists - after realizing the fact of offense a person must firmly resolve to work with her.Work on eliminating their grievances person should be given at least twenty minutes a day.This work must be seen as an important training.
- Play offense in detail
You have to imagine the details again humiliating situation that occurred.Remember looked like your abuser that he told you how to lead.Try to imagine the feelings experienced abuser what he thought arose about you.Psychologists advise to first remember all the details of the situation, and then - to write down details on a piece of paper.For this to work best to keep a personal diary, which will then evaluate the effectiveness of work on oneself.
- answer the following questions as a lawyer and as a prosecutor (in response to question 2)
- Have realistic expectations, because in the future they will not come true?
- This person knew about their expectations, agree with them?
- Does not the expected behavior of his personal convictions?
- why this man did so, and not otherwise?
- Should I punish this man for what he did?
answering these questions, record your answers .Put pluses those answers that reflect the true state of the offended person.Count the pros and cons - the understanding of the situation and the ability to forgive offenses should be more advantages for those responses, which were on behalf of a lawyer.
- Change your attitude towards the person wronged, answering questions
- How this man could avoid insult, he had to behave?
- Location suddenly appeared erroneous expectation that the offender behavior?
- How to build their expectations the next time not to worry about more than the offense?
- What prevents proper construction of expectations, and how to eliminate these obstacles to forgiveness?
- How can you get rid of empty his expectations and greatly improve relations with people in general, and with his abuser - in particular?
learn to look at the situation occurred not from their position, and a bystander .If the offense overwhelms you, try to imagine the scale of its life and the next - the scale of the offense compared to the first.
you will see two volumes - vast universe - your life, and a small grain of sand in it, that is, the offense .Do I need to spend the time of his life on the experience of the grain of sand?
What is the point in this work - the art of learning to forgive ourselves?
main purpose of teaching science to forgive yourself - to translate these experiences from the area of emotions and feelings to the logic of understanding .Emotions always escape, they appear and disappear spontaneously.And you can work only with what can be explained, which is understandable.
If you have experienced betrayal, treason, or a very strong resentment, perhaps, can not cope with this work, and you need to seek help from a professional psychologist .