On the topic of dialogue of parents with children many books, produced a huge number of benefits of different plans.Not all the tips in this region presented by professionals.Therefore it is better to rely on the recommendations of those who combine extensive practical experience with this fundamental scientific basis.Yuliya Gippenreyter, professor of Moscow State University psychology department, can be particularly highlighted among those.It is truly brilliant book "Dealing with the baby.How? "Every parent will find answers to questions related to education.
The cornerstone - the unconditional acceptance
primarily parents needunderstand that communicate with the child should be without exhibiting toward him some conditions and requirements.The child will only become easy to go on contact, if he feels loved and valued, even when wrong or committed a bad
necessary to forget about the approach to education as a training.Communicate with the child, based only on his behavior, it is absolutely wrong.This is called a conditional love.Only in the case of animals, the method works when the right of action given food, but for the wrong - to take penalties.But then how to show dissatisfaction with the child?How to understand that his actions are wrong?
How to complain
to communicate was not only easy, but also for the benefit of education, need to properly express dissatisfaction.Only it itself should be directed not at the child and his actions.There are "I-messages" and "You Messages."The second group includes phrases like "you are bad", "you're not behaving."Communicate with your child in this way is impossible.Leans need to use "I messages": "I feel the pain of your actions," "I did not bring joy to your behavior."In this case, the child will not feel bad.
Use active listening techniques
will not successfully communicate with the child, if you do not learn how to listen.Children also get into difficult situations in which they feel sad or scared.Socializing is necessary so that the child realized that even in such moments, he still remains one.If he will attend a sense of community with their parents, and then communicate it will be much easier.
Active listening involves the "return" of the child's phrases it herself.Instead, indications or "orders", and even more screams, should communicate in such a way that the child receives emotional support.For example, if a junior high school student does not want to do homework, then the problem may not be in laziness, and fear of failure.By giving guidance to succeed just do not get.
As it is impossible to communicate with the child
There are a lot of wrong behaviors, to which parents are unknowingly resort during intercourse.It is impossible to communicate with the little man with the following items.
1. Orders "quickly move in the room", "Do not do that anymore."As a result, it seems that the adult child is not interested and it seems non-self.
2. Threats: "If you do not do this, you will be punished."If you communicate well, you can only worsen children's unpleasant experiences.
3. homilies: "Adults know better, they need to be respected."Education at a younger age is primarily through imitation rather than through words.Therefore, to communicate in this way is useless.
4. Advice: "Try not, but in a different way."Too often adults communicate with children from the perspective of "wisdom."This is not quite correct, because the child does not feel in this case, respect from parents.
5. logical conclusion: "You do wrong, so you do not get."If you communicate well, you will not have the emotional rapprochement.
6. Criticism 'own fault. "The result of this - low self-esteem, depression, frustration is.
7. Insults and name calling.Communicating with insults anything good to come can not be sure.
8. Obsessive vysprashivaniya and guesses.Perceived as interference in the personal world.If a child is not going to tell something, then it is a good reason.Although the parents of these reasons may seem "stupid."
Ironically, praise and some variants of sympathy does not help to establish contact.Praise should be, again, from the perspective of "I-messages".That is your goal would be "I am pleased with your success."Sympathy will not benefit if it is not confirmed by actions.Instead of trying to calm the child in words, it is better just to hug him.Joked the problem is not worth as well get rid of it would not be possible.
How to Resolve Conflicts
of a conflict - a natural thing.Even if you usually manage to communicate with the child without the complexities, problems can still occur.Dealing in this case it is necessary so that in the end both sides got something that they seek.The procedure is as follows.
1. Identify the problem child and express their own.When this is necessary to communicate with the position of "I-message", as previously described.
2. Find different versions of the answer to the question "How do we do that?".Communicate with the child at this stage must be no criticism.
3. Rate the value of all proposals individually and determine the solution that satisfies everyone.
4. If necessary - to make a clarification on the decision, if the child is considered that wants not exactly of what at first said.
5. Realize decisions in life and to assess whether it has brought the desired result.
If you communicate with these recommendations is to establish contact with the child will be much easier.We must not forget that a child, even though not a very mature person, but it should not be seen only in adult leaders give orders.Himself adults need to be on an equal footing with the child and communicate with him so as not to lose the first emotional contact.